Gaming in the Age of Anti-Political Correctness*

"Rolled another 1? You're FIRED!!!!"

In this age of Trump, UKIP, AfD, Front National, and closer to home One Nation and Andrew Bolt, it behooves all middle aged white men to tell it like it is, no matter who gets offended (dammit, you're just not telling it like it is if someone isn't offended!). Wargaming, being the preserve of middle aged white men, is the perfect forum for expressing this trend.

This last Saturday saw the club's Mitcham premises given over to the Pirates in September Mega-Game! Yaarrr, cringe-me-nurgles and a yo-ho-ho! While the setting gives a nod to the Golden Age of Piracy, it reflected maybe more closely the Golden Age of Hollywood; Errol Flynn would probably have fitted in more than the real Blackbeard or Anne Bonney. However, the inclusion of vessels crewed by Goblins, Kriegsmarine and even Dad's Army added extra evidence that historical accuracy was not really a priority (added to that, random events like The Kraken, The Ghostship and The Maelstrom all added a Hollywood special FX feel to the game!). The brain-child of club stalwart Fly, who not only organises but co-umpires, this annual event is fast becoming a highlight of the club calendar.

How does the Age of Anti-Political Correctness feature? Well, I'm pretty sure that our individual missions wouldn't pass the Guardian-reading, Greens voting, Fair-Trade coffee sipping, pinko-leftie, liberal test of all things PC! Viz. my initial objective was to collect a native idol to bring back to the English port for historical/cultural research and be-damned what the natives think of the pillage of their religious and cultural artifacts! After successfully carrying out my first mission without being caught by the natives, I was given the task of collecting fruit from Horseshoe Island and transporting it to the Dutch port for medical research, again natives be-damned at having their food-crops raided. My 3rd and final task was to abduct a 'lady' and deliver her to the pirate port of Flytuga into the tender clutches of the pirates in order to show her a good time! Luckily I hadn't secured a map or navigator to find the pirates' base and the wind was against me before I could reach the Spanish port to 'recruit' a likely candidate. 

I shudder to think what the other missions could have been; Trade muskets to one side of a native civil war in exchange for slaves? Transport those slaves to the New World plantations? Deliver TB infected blankets to unsuspecting native villages? Demand opium trading rights at gunpoint? Proselytising? I know at least one other task was to deliver a missionary to the native island. Whether his mission to convert the savages was a success or if he ended up paying the price for my cultural vandalism I never found out.... Anyway, I shouldn't go on; it might give them ideas for next year!

What have I said?! 

I was playing the part of a British privateer crew, so I started in the British port along with the other  privateer and RN crews. This year my vessel was christened the HMS Hiddleswift (geddit? My SHIP name? RelationSHIP? Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift? Anyone....anyone? Am I the only one with teenage daughters?.... Sigh!... I'll get my coat...) Naming it after a relationSHIP which had already foundered seemed like a smart thing to do. Last time I named my boat the Brangelina and it sank not once but 3 times; a portent of things to come? I wonder....

The British port, my home base.

The Spanish port. 

The Spanish treasure ship!
No one took them on despite the booty; they were over-crewed and over-gunned!

The Ghost Ship and spooky island!

WOOOooooOOOoOOooHH!!!!

Wakanda Island.

Home to fierce natives and target of cultural pillage!

Flytuga, the pirate homebase.

Adventure Island.
Both Flytuga and Adventure Island were accessible only to players who had either assembled the map from clues bought or stolen, or who had access to natives to navigate them there.

The mermaid. Looks like she's got a bikini tan!
She was the object of one task: Take her to the French port for medical experimentation!

A militant Jesuit missionary and some pirate treasure.

Local denizens of the Spanish port

The strumpet who doesn't know how lucky she was that I ran out of time!

The Spanish governor and lackeys

Das Boot!

The Opium Ship! This special ship had a cargo of opium worth a king's ransom. Also adds bonuses to crew if taken before combat, at the expense of turning them into addicts and requiring a crew replacement at your home port !

Dad's Army!

The Dutch port.

AWI troops masquerading as Dutch infantry?

My lads on their way to a successful bit of cultural pillaging!

Capt. Bertie Bugler mans the Hiddleswift  while the away party completes the mission

Success! The idol is on its way back to the British port.

Meanwhile, all the pirates have struck on a guaranteed method of success; Co-operation!
The pirates attack the French port en masse

The Spanish galleon leads the treasure ship across the high seas.

Yarrrrr! (or should that be ¡El Yarrrro!)

The treasure ship remains unmolested.

WooooOOOOoooH! SpoooOOoooKy!

The giant octopus was another objective for players to capture....

....while the Kraken was a randomised event to make things interesting for players!

The pirate attack continues on the French port!

The name of Capt. Paul's ship.
He's a funny lad!

Flush with dubloons, the Hiddleswift heads off on its next mission, sailing between the Kraken off the port side...

...and the Ghost Ship on the starboard bow!

Dubloons safely stowed, the Hiddleswift dodges danger to approach Horseshoe island to find a pair of scurvy dogs have already stripped the fruit from the trees after dealing with the hostile natives! Curses!

Time for a broadside or two! 

After some desultory fire which only resulted in a waste of powder and shot, I decided that trade negotiations were called for: Spices were duly swapped for fruit trees.
 See kids? Violence isn't always the answer!

The umpires decided that the rampaging pirates were having it too easy: Send in the Kraken!

Meanwhile, back at the Spanish port, the galleon has docked alongside the Girl Power pirate ship which had just launched an underhanded, if unsuccessful, raid on the Opium Ship which has since beat a hasty retreat.

A close up detail of the rigging on on the galleon. Masterfully scratchbuilt vessel with, John B., the shipwright himself, in the background.

*This is a satirical post written with tongue planted firmly in cheek. No minorities were offended in the playing of this game. This blog-post, however, is another thing completely....

To Glory We Steer!

HMS Frolic now has masts!

After Fly challenged me last weekend to have my ship finished in time for NWA's Pirates in September events, I was spurred into action to at least get the masts ready for action. Progress up til now stalled as I was a bit stuck on whether or not to go the whole hog with the rigging, and if so, how? I'm a stickler for detail, usually, but in this case I want a compromise between detail and being able to be safely transported without turning into a tangled mess of spars and rigging!

I'm thinking of using fine metal wire to recreate rigging like the ratlines and some of the more prominent sheets etc., especially the one from the gaff to the spanker boom so I can have a nice big white ensign flying proudly to let those scurvy pirates know who they're dealing with!

Ultimately, I want to develop a scenario where the ship lands a party on an island to take out a Chappe Semaphore telegraph tower, defended by a couple of gun emplacements and a small detachment of French infantry. Still not sure what set of rules I'd use, but I'll keep my eyes open. Capitan is an early candidate, as there is also a set of rules for naval skirmishes, called Gunboat, by the same publisher. I may even come up with my own rules to suit the scenario.

Pirates in September uses a modified version of Legends of the High Seas, which I haven't played, so I can't say how they work, except to say that each ship has a crew of 12 crew; 1 captain, 2 officers, 3 musket armed crew (Royal Marines, in my case) and 6 pistol/cutlass armed crew. To that end, I have been scouring my collection for appropriate figures. The HaT British Marines and Sailors set has some useful figures for, well..., sailors and marines, but no officers. I've used a Kennington metal British infantry officer with a paint conversion as the captain, but he has no pistol, only a sword. I've also converted a Russian staff officer into a midshipman or master's mate by carving off his epaulets and sash, replacing his head and attaching a pared down sabre to resemble a dirk. While he'll make a serviceable junior officer figure, I'm still not convinced with his boots, but I couldn't be arsed trying to convert him any further. I'm currently converting another figure, who'll be the dashing lieutenant, leading the boarding party!

HMS Frolic, still laid up in the dockyard, but with masts installed

Captain and midshipman at the binnacle

Capt. Bertie Bugler on the quarterdeck

Royal Marine in the fighting top

Strelets Russian staff officer...

...and his alter ego as Royal Navy midshipman after conversion

Yaaaarrrrr, matey!

RN Landing Scenario Redux

As September 19th is 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day' (Yaaarrrr!!!!), the whole month of September is given over to all things Piratical at our club, NWA. As well as an ongoing campaign using the Legends of the High Seas rules, we have also put on games using our regular rules, but sporting a definite nautical feel.

I hosted my Naval Landing scenario set in northern Spain which I had previously tested last year. This year I had Garry take on the Anglo-Spanish forces, Robin the French garrison, and Jenko the French relief force, while I umpired and generally looked on taking photos and getting in the way! (again, I neglected to check if the camera's SD card was in before I left home and was reduced to using my phone's camera when it was apparent it was still in the pc!)

Garry and Jenko took a different tack to how Tim and I played the scenario, with a different result. Garry advanced across the stream, and Jenko made a bee-line for the fort and the Spanish attackers. In the skirmishing which followed, the French prevailed over their Spanish opponents, forcing them back before the British naval guns could establish themselves.

In both games, the naval guns spent too long moving from the beach to be influential in the game. Next time I run the game I think I will change the terrain so that the Navy has more of a role to play. Next year after I get my hands on HMS Frolic, I'll redesign the scenario to give the RN a bigger role more in tune with the theme of the month.

Yaaarr!
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear! (Geddit? Buccaneer!)
Boom-tish!

Each pirate themed game was given an appropriate flag. This was the one for my table; the Spanish Cruz de Borgoña

The game's objective; The French redoubt covering the road and the bridge over the river

The RN landing party in the ships' boats

The armed townsfolk crossing the ford to meet the landing party with  a suitable conveyance for the guns

The Spanish regulars lining up south of the town

The French garrison. The guns face the road, while the rear is just covered by an infantry firestep.

The landing party approaches the shore

Garry in deep thought while Pete E. looks bored ;)

The garrison consisted of a battery of 8x8lb distributed across the 3 sides that faces the road and bridge, distributed as the player desired. There was also a garrison battalion of 6 conscript figures and 5 dismounted dragoons, 2 of which could operate in a mounted capacity if desired.

Garry sent in the Spanish light infantry in skirmish order to hack away at the abatis

His regulars advanced across the stream and into the walled farmland

Garry"s Spanish force moves up to the face undefended by artillery

One battalion of line troops forms in line to cover the landing. Note the sheep; they were to be used as an anti-cavalry impediment if needed!

The marines land. I'd forgotten to bring the single, un-based gun for the trip in the wagon. D'oh! 

Garry keeps the garrison occupied

His skirmishers clear the abitis. I'll have to remedy this area of the game in future. As it currently stands, it's out of range of small arms fire, so the Spanish can clear it with impunity.

A nice big gap in the abitis. The only problem is that this face is not directly exposed to the best vantage point for artillery to attempt making a breach

What would happen if Garry launched an assault at this stage? High obstacle, moat, defenders firing from behind cover; odds not great!

Spanish dragoons covering the ford opposite the landing beach.

At last! Jenko rolled the required number on the dice to get the relief force on the board.

The wagon and its escort make their slow way to their firing position.

The Royal Marines lead the way with Lt. Bertie Bugler, RN., at their head!

Jenko's dragoons advance towards the bridge, ensuring the Spanish don't try to interfere with his infantry deployment.

The relief force in column of march

Robin deploys his dismounted dragoons in skirmish order to take on the Spanish light troops.

Jenko's force deploys into combat column as it moves around the redoubt, behind the dragoons' skirmish screen.

En avant!

The French shake out into a line of columns...

...while Garry withdraws his main force behind the wall.

Jenko's general enters the redoubt to confer with the garrison's commander, requesting him to move some of his guns out of the redoubt to support his offensive action.

The waggon approaches the hill opposite the fort. Is there time for them to dismount, setup and start knocking holes in the redoubt? 

The ominous sight from Garry's POV

Bertie and the marines move up in support of the Spanish line

Alas, nothing stronger than coffee was on offer!

Jenko and Robin push back the Spanish light infantry

Garry pulls back the skirmish line, while the French commander looks on

At last! The naval guns are deployed!

Garry's line falls back so that any advance by the French will have to cross one wall and the rough terrain, but this leaves him with not only another wall, but a river at his back!

Robin's artillery were to target the marines and, in a display of unlikely accuracy, take a couple of figures, too.

The Spanish Skirmish line doggedly screens the Spanish main line, while Robin's guns deploy in the background.

The garrison's view of the hill opposite. Are they in for some 18lb action?

The Anglo-Spanish line awaits their fate!

Jenko detaches his light infantry to join the dismounted dragoons in whittling down the Spanish skirmish line.

The French main force lines up on the other side of the farmline, while Garry falls back further.

French line up to consider their next move

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough!

With the French relief force firmly in control of the situation and the likelihood of the gun positions to be overrun after the inevitable clash of infantry, it was decided that the game be ended there with a moral victory to the French. As they still held the fort and the likelihood that the Spanish would not be able to dislodge them without further reinforcements, it was to all intents and purposes a French win by default.

In my next running of this scenario, I think I'll have to give the Spanish some reinforcements to arrive at a random point in the game, and maybe boost the French morale rating from Regular to Veteran by way of compensation. There just weren't enough troops for the Spanish to prevent the French from out-bustling them in this instance. Also, it takes too long for the guns to be put in place for them to have any real influence on the outcome. Maybe tweaking the layout so that the guns don't have so far to travel will improve the scenario.

Anyway, I'll definitely run it again next year after some rejigging, so stay tuned in September 2014. Aaaaarrrrrr!